You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
