hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
