you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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