so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
