So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
