That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Randomize