Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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