At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
