It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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