haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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