you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
