you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
