its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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