Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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