Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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