You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
