I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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