Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
