He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
