My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
