We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
