The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
