Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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