...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
