OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You can't just leave with hair like that
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
