Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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