I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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