Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
