i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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