You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
