you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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