I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
