Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize