How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
