i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
