I showed him my bush... on skype.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
