I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
it was like eating out sand paper
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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