Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
