don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
