im drinking this country out of the recession.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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