can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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