U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
