It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
