Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
