This is not my ceiling
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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