she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Farmville is her only friend.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Your cock deserves a montage
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
