your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
