Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
