I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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