; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
