life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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