I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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