My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
