ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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