We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
