peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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