apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize