Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
