:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
