his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
