He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
