i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
