I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
