stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
