i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
