i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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