thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
