I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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