So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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