Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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